I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
