Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
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