Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
