I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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