God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
