I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
