Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
