I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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