I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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