Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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