It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
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