Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
