just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
