Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
