I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
