I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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