There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
