Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Randomize
