Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
No subtext here. People are naked.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Randomize
