Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
it glows. i had to have it.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
