Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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