I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
