I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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