I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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