i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
