omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
