i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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