I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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