i wish starbucks made bloody marys
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
