i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Randomize
