i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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