I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
