I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
