What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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