Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
