Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Randomize
