its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
