I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize
