there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
You smell like stripper and shame
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
