he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
