I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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