sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
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