Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
