I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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