I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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