just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
