In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Randomize
