Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Well apparently he's into motor boating.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
