What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Randomize
