if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Randomize
