omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
