We're like a lot better than the average bears
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
