The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
