You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
