dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
