i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
