Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
