Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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