Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
