hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
